Letter to my 14 years old self

If you had the opportunity to talk to your 15-year-old self, what would you say? What would you say thank you for? What would you warn her about? What qualities would you be proud of? What advice would you give to your younger self?

Dear Kinga!

I’m writing you this letter because today afternoon we have talked about heroes. I was asked who I consider to be a hero in my life and why. Immediately I wondered if I can be my own hero – why not? This letter is to my 15-year-old self, with lots of love. There are a few things that you don’t know yet (you are good at writing poetry, rollerblading is not for you, it was a great decision to dye your hair) but I do already. And to this very day there are a few things that I learn from you.

I know that you like to be comfortable, too, there is something very warm and reassuring in being safe. But this is not enough for you, you leave your comfort zone again and again. You stand up for yourself, for other people, for your principles and truth, for everything you believe in, maybe this is the most wonderful thing about you. You do not compromise and you do not resign yourself to anything. You are an active person who is ready to act for what she considers good.

The career of “superheroes” begins at a young age, in primary school. Big things always start small. There was a very nice Roma girl in the school: Melinda. She was a good student, she came from a good family but she found it difficult to settle in the class. She joined us at the beginning of the schoolyear. Weeks went by but nothing changed. The children often talked behind her back and pointed out that she is a Gypsy. I could never understand that, at that age we had no idea what it meant to be Roma yet we harassed her. That’s nonsense. You knew that you had to do something, you couldn’t let this continue. Anyway, it is so stupid to bully someone because the colour of her skin…

But what would happen if I spoke up? Would I become an outcast too? You were afraid that after that you would also be picked on. I know that you are afraid, I am afraid too, even today, but we can’t stay silent. One day during a recess, you put an end to all this, you opened your mouth: that was enough of this! Stop commenting on her, we are one community and we can’t exclude anyone! The class must accept the new student and help her as much as we can! Everyone was a bit surprised in the room, even I myself but I did it and everything changed after. There were no more whispering and by the end of the year the children even got to like Melinda.

I am proud of you for speaking up for her. I am proud of you as you helped me to become who I am today. You thought me how to be brave and stand up for those in need. I hope that in a few years I can be proud of my present self, too.

The letter was written at the Roma Heroes workshop of Independent Theater Hungary.